winter night's rain
Feb. 18th, 2018 10:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kytaensynopsis: it's cold outside, with the snow pelting hard like rain against the window, but midori was soft at love, and warm.
— also on AO3. for korm (@shinobukuns on twitter).
— ☆ —
It's been said that sad people are the ones that were most cognizant of changes, be it weather, atmosphere, or heart. Shinobu... he has never considered himself to be a sad person, but under a snowstorm-winter night, so much that the snow falls like rain, it's cold. Shinobu thought he would've gotten used to this cold by now, but he's wearing two sweaters and a fleece scarf and he's still shivering from head to toe. He shifts himself a tiny bit closer to the fireplace, huddled in his small form, like a ball of yarn.
It's dark, out the window.
It's cold, out the window.
Should ninjas be afraid of the cold? Ninjas weren't afraid of anything except being seen and caught. Except Shinobu wasn't that sort of ninja; Shinobu wanted to be noticed; he wanted to be the kind of shadow, a backing wind of support, that couldn't be seen explicitly but known and felt and, and loved, and —
Do ninjas ever doubt themselves?
Surely, they do. But they throw their shuriken straight and true, never once hesitating. It gives Shinobu a well of sudden nerves; he's contradicting himself when ninjas don't do that.
Nrrr, it's the cold. And the snow. And he's lonely, even when ninjas were lone souls.
What is a ninja, exactly? He's sure he's been defining it correctly, but doubt is swimming in his mind; he's so confused. He's so cold, even when he's supposed to be warm. Something's missing, for sure.
Something...
"Pfft, ninjas. As if those even exist in this day and time."
"What are you trying to be, again? An assassin?"
Not good. Shinobu shakes his head. Not good, not good! He's not going to allow himself to succumb to those jeers, not ever.
"Ninjas are..." he starts, but his tongue is failing him; everything is failing him and he can't think straight. Shameful. For a ninja to fall so hard in adversity like this, shameful, a disgrace, he's not fit for this at all, maybe...! "I think they're brave, de gozaru," Shinobu says, to no one in particular — maybe to the ones who wouldn't understand. Maybe to the window who showed him a scene of spitting snow and driveling rain, maybe the winter that reached out with cold fingers and froze him in place. Maybe to himself, so he'd stop doubting everything — is this what the cold does to a person? Is this the very evil Ryuseitai has been battling, the ignorance of people's hearts? "They... don't hesitate... they're loyal to their own values, they fight even when scared... they, they support people and h-help them..."
They fight even when scared.
Has he ever...?
"It's - it's stranger anxiety," Shinobu professes, almost a last ditch attempt by now (or so he feels), "and I am working on it, de gozaru."
The wind doesn't answer.
Shinobu stares at the window, at the snow pelting the glass, and tries not to cry. Because if he starts crying, he'd truly have lost, and he'd have no right to say he's a ninja — ninjas don't cry, they wipe their tears and keep on.
There's a knock. Shinobu almost ignores it; the fire was warmer than anything else in the room and he didn't want to leave it just yet. But the figure outside the door window was tall, it was a looming black shadow and suddenly Shinobu's even closer to the fireplace than before, scooting backwards.
"Um... who's there...?"
No answer, except another knock.
Shinobu grips his scarf tighter. No good. If he truly was a ninja, he should've burst out of his bundle of sweaters right away, wouldn't he?
The knocking stops.
"W-wait, don't go, de gozaru!" Shinobu takes off his outer sweater, tosses the scarf aside. He would be lying if what he'd meant by don't leave was just a plea for company, but...
Shinobu touches the doorknob gingerly with a gloved hand. In case whoever was outside was dangerous, he'd have his shuriken ready in his free hand, to throw and strike whoever it was, down. He'd aim for the eyes, probably — these shuriken were rubber, so it wouldn't hurt the opponent, but if the eyes were to be struck, he'd have enough time to dash inside and reach for the phone, providing that he weren't frozen in place.
He turns the knob, and opens the door by just enough. Cold wind rushes in, and Shinobu jumps up, teeth chattering, a half-yelp forming in his throat.
The door is pushed open full way. Before Shinobu could even react properly, he's thrown the shuriken outwards, though not as forceful as he'd planned, or even aimed at where he'd wanted them to go. They bounce off Midori's heavily-clad torso like beans thrown against a wall.
Midori stares. A flush crosses Shinobu's face; how many wrongdoings had he just committed? I'm totally a disgrace now, aren't I? First off, throwing shuriken when it was completely unnecessary; secondly, throwing shuriken badly and off-aim; thirdly, throwing shuriken at his boyfriend—
"A-ah... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm so tall... please don't cry..."
"M-M-Midori-kun?!"
"If only I was born shorter... then I wouldn't have scared you..."
Shinobu rubs his eyes, shuriken-throwing preparations forgotten in a heartbeat. "N-no, it wasn't you..." I was too cold to react, Shinobu thinks. "I'm sorry for throwing shuriken at you — please come in, de gozaru... the thermostat's broken but t-there's the fireplace, Midori-kun..."
"Why was I born so tall, anyways... none of my parents were tall at all... sigh... I'm so depressed... this snow isn't helping either... ah." Midori steps in swiftly and closes the door, whole body shuddering. "S-sorry... uuu, I hate snow, I hate it so much...!"
If you hate the snow this much, then... A sliver of hope lights up Shinobu's chest. If, perhaps... "Why did... why did Midori-kun come over at a time like this...?"
Midori sighs, looking completely deflated. "I... I left my gloves here last time... if I don't have them by tomorrow's practice, who knows what Morisawa-senpai would say... sigh... he'd notice straight away, he always notices the most irrelevant things..."
Shinobu pretends not to show disappointment. After all, it would take more than just him — Sengoku Shinobu, first year at Yumenosaki Academy, member of Ryuseitai, a ninja and the leader of the Ninja Association — to prompt Midori out from his cozy, heater-equipped room and launch himself into the chilly, almost snowstorm-like weather, right? Though, he supposes, he was also Takamine Midori's significant other, but... He tugs Midori's sleeve, leading him in. "The doorway's cold, Midori-kun; we should go next to the fireplace."
"Ah... right." They sit down, cross-legged and side-by-side, the red-gold of the fire illuminating the backs of their heads through the glass pane of the fireplace. "Haah, it's warmer already... Aren't you cold, Shinobu-kun?"
Shinobu blinks, a blink that said yes, yes, yes I'm cold, I'm also lonely, but not anymore. "I... I was - but now that you're here, Midori-kun, I feel that I can brave even the coldest of storms!"
Midori huffs somewhat of a laugh. This in itself caused the room's temperature to go up twenty degrees. The laugh trails off into a frown. "No... it's cold in here... you can't not be cold like this, even if I'm here..."
"It's true, though! I—"
Shinobu stiffens as Midori picks himself off the ground.
"Midori-kun? Where are you going?"
"Ah... um, nowhere..." The tips of his ears have grown pink. From the cold? "Just..."
Shinobu watches, wordless, as Midori sits back down, but this time, right behind Shinobu's back, arms draped across his small frame. He's too close! Midori is so close, he might cry — and this time, it wasn't sad-crying, but happy ones, happy tears, slightly-embarrassed tears but happy all the same.
"Mmm... warmer?"
"Very much," Shinobu murmurs, against the backdrop of flames crackling.
"Shinobu-kun..." and Shinobu turns around. "Arms up..." Midori picks up the sweater off the ground, and fits it over Shinobu's head. "That's better... you could've caught a cold, you know..."
The bumpy parts of Midori's jacket presses into Shinobu's back. Duvet, probably — duck down. That's good, at least, that it's warm. If Midori had caught a cold because he'd come over, Shinobu wouldn't know what to do. "Are you cold, Midori-kun?" he asks, just for confirmation.
Midori shakes his head, then pulls Shinobu closer, lips grazing the side of Shinobu's cheek. "No... not really..."
Shinobu shudders — not of the cold, but the warmth.
"Hey..." Midori starts.
"Er, yes?!"
Midori sighs. "Is... is there something bothering you...?"
Shinobu freezes. He hadn't told anyone, had he? Did he reveal too much to Midori? Shinobu thinks back, but can't bring up anything that he'd said that would constitute such an impeding question. But he also knew Midori was highly sensitive to mood changes — indeed, Midori-kun was highly sensitive to a lot of things, but little changes like these were something Midori was secretly skilled at.
He debates between saying "what makes you think that?" and "I can't reveal that, it's part of ninja code!". He's supposed to say no.
Instead, he takes off his gloves and grabs Midori's hands, feels the steady, familiar warmth. Midori's hands grow warmer to the touch.
"Shinobu-kun...!"
"Uuu, I'm -" He drops them. "I am sorry, de gozaru! It was instinct!"
"No... n-not that...it was just... give me a warning next time before I die from a heart attack...!" Midori's stuttering a bit, and Shinobu can feel it — heartbeats jumping rapidly on his back. It reflected the exact same tempo his own heart was operating at. Then, an unexpected thing happens, as Midori leans in and hugs Shinobu closer to his chest, burying his face into Shinobu's shoulder. Says something muffled into his sweater.
"Midori-kun? I can't hear you..."
"Ah." Midori raises his head just a bit. "No... just... if you're..." He sighs, and raises his head the entire way, soft hair tickling the side of Shinobu's face. "You know you can... talk to me about anything, right...? Since... since we're..." Midori stops himself again, clearly too embarrassed to say more. "You know... you know..."
"Ah, don't worry Midori-kun, I know what you mean, de gozaru!"
"Good..." Midori puts his face back where it was before, flustered.
"It's nothing, really, I mean it. It'll pass soon, I'm sure of it, de gozaru."
If Midori could squint in disappointment and Shinobu could see it even though he can't see Midori's face, the "hmm" Midori murmurs is exactly evoking that feeling.
"Say, Midori-kun... what does a ninja..." He gulps, almost gives up right here. Continues, because Shinobu doesn't just back out of something halfway, not this time. "What does a ninja mean to you...?"
Midori lifts his head up. "What would I know... ah, I didn't mean it like that, just that... I'm the least educated on ninjas, even if you are one..."
"It's just... I, I love ninjas, but suddenly... suddenly...!"
Shinobu doesn't mean to cry, but he feels the telltale tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Midori reacts almost uncharacteristically, in an instant — or, maybe, he's always had this in him, when he felt like it; Shinobu feels that Midori could become a fine hero if he tried, just like how Morisawa-dono said so, or Shinkai-dono believed, or how Tetora-kun said in passing. All of a sudden, his hand is being held, and it's being squeezed reassuringly.
"I brought a plushie mascot character with me if you need it, Shinobu-kun... I'd probably be okay if you used it..."
"N-no, it's alright, de gozaru. I couldn't dare to ask for so much from you, Midori-kun, since I've already received, s-so so much..."
Midori links his fingers through Shinobu's own. Squeezes it a bit again. To tell him, it's okay, I'll listen. Things will be okay. "Shinobu-kun, you tell me... what are ninjas to you...?"
Shinobu takes a breath. "They... they are brave personages... they hide in the shadows and do all the tricky stuff for others, the things that other people can't do... they're always the first to be called upon when they're needed..." That's right. I wanted to become a ninja, so I could help others. Even if stranger anxiety knocked me down, I could still help people from the shadows, that's why a ninja was perfect... because ninjas are silent winds, watching over the others...
"I think... I think you're pretty brave..."
In what way? "I... I can't stand crowds though; it's hard for me, de gozaru!"
"I can't stand crowds either..." Midori sighs. "Especially during Ryuseitai performances... because Ryuseitai is a popular unit, you know...? There are so many people watching, maybe even people I know... it's embarrassing... What's even more embarrassing is our senpais are leading the stage... sometimes they do things I don't understand...
"But... I'm sure... that because our senpais are up there, as well as Shinobu-kun, and Tetora-kun... it's easier to breathe if you know that there are people doing it with you...? It's not so scary that way, I think... and Shinobu-kun, you know... you're pretty brave to even show up on stage? Even I didn't want to perform, but you went up still..."
Shinobu smiles, even just a tiny bit, at the memory. "My knees - they were shaking, de gozaru."
"But you declared with a loud voice, that you were a ninja... I... I don't want to sound like Morisawa-senpai, but... if you believe something enough, then there'll be someone to support you, always..." Midori smiles against Shinobu's neck. "I think ninjas are whatever you make it to be, you know...? And even if everyone else doesn't believe in you, Shinobu-kun... I'll be here... probably... I'll - I'll try my best..."
It's hard to describe what a ninja is, in its strictest definition. Because there are so many kinds, so many definitions from so many unique people. Shinobu wonders if Midori was a ninja, sometimes — because Midori attacked with precision, whether it was ill-words or words of comfort. The warmth of Midori's words, Shinobu feels stealthily creep into his own heart, like a silent breeze.
"I want to become someone who can support you, Midori-kun," Shinobu whispers softly. Even if Midori didn't hear it, Shinobu hoped he knew.
Because even when a ninja was hard to describe, Midori was easier. Midori was soft at heart. Sometimes, he was lazy, or childish, and ran away from troublesome things. Sometimes, he could be selfish.
But Midori was also kind. He worried, even when he refused to admit it. He was a good listener, and he always, always came back at the most important of times, always there when you need him the most.
Midori-kun was so soft. So warm. So... tired. Shinobu hears the soft snores beside his ear, and wonders just how long they've been up. Stretching to accompany and adjust to Midori's weight, Shinobu takes one last look at the window before he closes his eyes.
It's not so dark and cold outside anymore.
— also on AO3. for korm (@shinobukuns on twitter).
— ☆ —
It's been said that sad people are the ones that were most cognizant of changes, be it weather, atmosphere, or heart. Shinobu... he has never considered himself to be a sad person, but under a snowstorm-winter night, so much that the snow falls like rain, it's cold. Shinobu thought he would've gotten used to this cold by now, but he's wearing two sweaters and a fleece scarf and he's still shivering from head to toe. He shifts himself a tiny bit closer to the fireplace, huddled in his small form, like a ball of yarn.
It's dark, out the window.
It's cold, out the window.
Should ninjas be afraid of the cold? Ninjas weren't afraid of anything except being seen and caught. Except Shinobu wasn't that sort of ninja; Shinobu wanted to be noticed; he wanted to be the kind of shadow, a backing wind of support, that couldn't be seen explicitly but known and felt and, and loved, and —
Do ninjas ever doubt themselves?
Surely, they do. But they throw their shuriken straight and true, never once hesitating. It gives Shinobu a well of sudden nerves; he's contradicting himself when ninjas don't do that.
Nrrr, it's the cold. And the snow. And he's lonely, even when ninjas were lone souls.
What is a ninja, exactly? He's sure he's been defining it correctly, but doubt is swimming in his mind; he's so confused. He's so cold, even when he's supposed to be warm. Something's missing, for sure.
Something...
"Pfft, ninjas. As if those even exist in this day and time."
"What are you trying to be, again? An assassin?"
Not good. Shinobu shakes his head. Not good, not good! He's not going to allow himself to succumb to those jeers, not ever.
"Ninjas are..." he starts, but his tongue is failing him; everything is failing him and he can't think straight. Shameful. For a ninja to fall so hard in adversity like this, shameful, a disgrace, he's not fit for this at all, maybe...! "I think they're brave, de gozaru," Shinobu says, to no one in particular — maybe to the ones who wouldn't understand. Maybe to the window who showed him a scene of spitting snow and driveling rain, maybe the winter that reached out with cold fingers and froze him in place. Maybe to himself, so he'd stop doubting everything — is this what the cold does to a person? Is this the very evil Ryuseitai has been battling, the ignorance of people's hearts? "They... don't hesitate... they're loyal to their own values, they fight even when scared... they, they support people and h-help them..."
They fight even when scared.
Has he ever...?
"It's - it's stranger anxiety," Shinobu professes, almost a last ditch attempt by now (or so he feels), "and I am working on it, de gozaru."
The wind doesn't answer.
Shinobu stares at the window, at the snow pelting the glass, and tries not to cry. Because if he starts crying, he'd truly have lost, and he'd have no right to say he's a ninja — ninjas don't cry, they wipe their tears and keep on.
There's a knock. Shinobu almost ignores it; the fire was warmer than anything else in the room and he didn't want to leave it just yet. But the figure outside the door window was tall, it was a looming black shadow and suddenly Shinobu's even closer to the fireplace than before, scooting backwards.
"Um... who's there...?"
No answer, except another knock.
Shinobu grips his scarf tighter. No good. If he truly was a ninja, he should've burst out of his bundle of sweaters right away, wouldn't he?
The knocking stops.
"W-wait, don't go, de gozaru!" Shinobu takes off his outer sweater, tosses the scarf aside. He would be lying if what he'd meant by don't leave was just a plea for company, but...
Shinobu touches the doorknob gingerly with a gloved hand. In case whoever was outside was dangerous, he'd have his shuriken ready in his free hand, to throw and strike whoever it was, down. He'd aim for the eyes, probably — these shuriken were rubber, so it wouldn't hurt the opponent, but if the eyes were to be struck, he'd have enough time to dash inside and reach for the phone, providing that he weren't frozen in place.
He turns the knob, and opens the door by just enough. Cold wind rushes in, and Shinobu jumps up, teeth chattering, a half-yelp forming in his throat.
The door is pushed open full way. Before Shinobu could even react properly, he's thrown the shuriken outwards, though not as forceful as he'd planned, or even aimed at where he'd wanted them to go. They bounce off Midori's heavily-clad torso like beans thrown against a wall.
Midori stares. A flush crosses Shinobu's face; how many wrongdoings had he just committed? I'm totally a disgrace now, aren't I? First off, throwing shuriken when it was completely unnecessary; secondly, throwing shuriken badly and off-aim; thirdly, throwing shuriken at his boyfriend—
"A-ah... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm so tall... please don't cry..."
"M-M-Midori-kun?!"
"If only I was born shorter... then I wouldn't have scared you..."
Shinobu rubs his eyes, shuriken-throwing preparations forgotten in a heartbeat. "N-no, it wasn't you..." I was too cold to react, Shinobu thinks. "I'm sorry for throwing shuriken at you — please come in, de gozaru... the thermostat's broken but t-there's the fireplace, Midori-kun..."
"Why was I born so tall, anyways... none of my parents were tall at all... sigh... I'm so depressed... this snow isn't helping either... ah." Midori steps in swiftly and closes the door, whole body shuddering. "S-sorry... uuu, I hate snow, I hate it so much...!"
If you hate the snow this much, then... A sliver of hope lights up Shinobu's chest. If, perhaps... "Why did... why did Midori-kun come over at a time like this...?"
Midori sighs, looking completely deflated. "I... I left my gloves here last time... if I don't have them by tomorrow's practice, who knows what Morisawa-senpai would say... sigh... he'd notice straight away, he always notices the most irrelevant things..."
Shinobu pretends not to show disappointment. After all, it would take more than just him — Sengoku Shinobu, first year at Yumenosaki Academy, member of Ryuseitai, a ninja and the leader of the Ninja Association — to prompt Midori out from his cozy, heater-equipped room and launch himself into the chilly, almost snowstorm-like weather, right? Though, he supposes, he was also Takamine Midori's significant other, but... He tugs Midori's sleeve, leading him in. "The doorway's cold, Midori-kun; we should go next to the fireplace."
"Ah... right." They sit down, cross-legged and side-by-side, the red-gold of the fire illuminating the backs of their heads through the glass pane of the fireplace. "Haah, it's warmer already... Aren't you cold, Shinobu-kun?"
Shinobu blinks, a blink that said yes, yes, yes I'm cold, I'm also lonely, but not anymore. "I... I was - but now that you're here, Midori-kun, I feel that I can brave even the coldest of storms!"
Midori huffs somewhat of a laugh. This in itself caused the room's temperature to go up twenty degrees. The laugh trails off into a frown. "No... it's cold in here... you can't not be cold like this, even if I'm here..."
"It's true, though! I—"
Shinobu stiffens as Midori picks himself off the ground.
"Midori-kun? Where are you going?"
"Ah... um, nowhere..." The tips of his ears have grown pink. From the cold? "Just..."
Shinobu watches, wordless, as Midori sits back down, but this time, right behind Shinobu's back, arms draped across his small frame. He's too close! Midori is so close, he might cry — and this time, it wasn't sad-crying, but happy ones, happy tears, slightly-embarrassed tears but happy all the same.
"Mmm... warmer?"
"Very much," Shinobu murmurs, against the backdrop of flames crackling.
"Shinobu-kun..." and Shinobu turns around. "Arms up..." Midori picks up the sweater off the ground, and fits it over Shinobu's head. "That's better... you could've caught a cold, you know..."
The bumpy parts of Midori's jacket presses into Shinobu's back. Duvet, probably — duck down. That's good, at least, that it's warm. If Midori had caught a cold because he'd come over, Shinobu wouldn't know what to do. "Are you cold, Midori-kun?" he asks, just for confirmation.
Midori shakes his head, then pulls Shinobu closer, lips grazing the side of Shinobu's cheek. "No... not really..."
Shinobu shudders — not of the cold, but the warmth.
"Hey..." Midori starts.
"Er, yes?!"
Midori sighs. "Is... is there something bothering you...?"
Shinobu freezes. He hadn't told anyone, had he? Did he reveal too much to Midori? Shinobu thinks back, but can't bring up anything that he'd said that would constitute such an impeding question. But he also knew Midori was highly sensitive to mood changes — indeed, Midori-kun was highly sensitive to a lot of things, but little changes like these were something Midori was secretly skilled at.
He debates between saying "what makes you think that?" and "I can't reveal that, it's part of ninja code!". He's supposed to say no.
Instead, he takes off his gloves and grabs Midori's hands, feels the steady, familiar warmth. Midori's hands grow warmer to the touch.
"Shinobu-kun...!"
"Uuu, I'm -" He drops them. "I am sorry, de gozaru! It was instinct!"
"No... n-not that...it was just... give me a warning next time before I die from a heart attack...!" Midori's stuttering a bit, and Shinobu can feel it — heartbeats jumping rapidly on his back. It reflected the exact same tempo his own heart was operating at. Then, an unexpected thing happens, as Midori leans in and hugs Shinobu closer to his chest, burying his face into Shinobu's shoulder. Says something muffled into his sweater.
"Midori-kun? I can't hear you..."
"Ah." Midori raises his head just a bit. "No... just... if you're..." He sighs, and raises his head the entire way, soft hair tickling the side of Shinobu's face. "You know you can... talk to me about anything, right...? Since... since we're..." Midori stops himself again, clearly too embarrassed to say more. "You know... you know..."
"Ah, don't worry Midori-kun, I know what you mean, de gozaru!"
"Good..." Midori puts his face back where it was before, flustered.
"It's nothing, really, I mean it. It'll pass soon, I'm sure of it, de gozaru."
If Midori could squint in disappointment and Shinobu could see it even though he can't see Midori's face, the "hmm" Midori murmurs is exactly evoking that feeling.
"Say, Midori-kun... what does a ninja..." He gulps, almost gives up right here. Continues, because Shinobu doesn't just back out of something halfway, not this time. "What does a ninja mean to you...?"
Midori lifts his head up. "What would I know... ah, I didn't mean it like that, just that... I'm the least educated on ninjas, even if you are one..."
"It's just... I, I love ninjas, but suddenly... suddenly...!"
Shinobu doesn't mean to cry, but he feels the telltale tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Midori reacts almost uncharacteristically, in an instant — or, maybe, he's always had this in him, when he felt like it; Shinobu feels that Midori could become a fine hero if he tried, just like how Morisawa-dono said so, or Shinkai-dono believed, or how Tetora-kun said in passing. All of a sudden, his hand is being held, and it's being squeezed reassuringly.
"I brought a plushie mascot character with me if you need it, Shinobu-kun... I'd probably be okay if you used it..."
"N-no, it's alright, de gozaru. I couldn't dare to ask for so much from you, Midori-kun, since I've already received, s-so so much..."
Midori links his fingers through Shinobu's own. Squeezes it a bit again. To tell him, it's okay, I'll listen. Things will be okay. "Shinobu-kun, you tell me... what are ninjas to you...?"
Shinobu takes a breath. "They... they are brave personages... they hide in the shadows and do all the tricky stuff for others, the things that other people can't do... they're always the first to be called upon when they're needed..." That's right. I wanted to become a ninja, so I could help others. Even if stranger anxiety knocked me down, I could still help people from the shadows, that's why a ninja was perfect... because ninjas are silent winds, watching over the others...
"I think... I think you're pretty brave..."
In what way? "I... I can't stand crowds though; it's hard for me, de gozaru!"
"I can't stand crowds either..." Midori sighs. "Especially during Ryuseitai performances... because Ryuseitai is a popular unit, you know...? There are so many people watching, maybe even people I know... it's embarrassing... What's even more embarrassing is our senpais are leading the stage... sometimes they do things I don't understand...
"But... I'm sure... that because our senpais are up there, as well as Shinobu-kun, and Tetora-kun... it's easier to breathe if you know that there are people doing it with you...? It's not so scary that way, I think... and Shinobu-kun, you know... you're pretty brave to even show up on stage? Even I didn't want to perform, but you went up still..."
Shinobu smiles, even just a tiny bit, at the memory. "My knees - they were shaking, de gozaru."
"But you declared with a loud voice, that you were a ninja... I... I don't want to sound like Morisawa-senpai, but... if you believe something enough, then there'll be someone to support you, always..." Midori smiles against Shinobu's neck. "I think ninjas are whatever you make it to be, you know...? And even if everyone else doesn't believe in you, Shinobu-kun... I'll be here... probably... I'll - I'll try my best..."
It's hard to describe what a ninja is, in its strictest definition. Because there are so many kinds, so many definitions from so many unique people. Shinobu wonders if Midori was a ninja, sometimes — because Midori attacked with precision, whether it was ill-words or words of comfort. The warmth of Midori's words, Shinobu feels stealthily creep into his own heart, like a silent breeze.
"I want to become someone who can support you, Midori-kun," Shinobu whispers softly. Even if Midori didn't hear it, Shinobu hoped he knew.
Because even when a ninja was hard to describe, Midori was easier. Midori was soft at heart. Sometimes, he was lazy, or childish, and ran away from troublesome things. Sometimes, he could be selfish.
But Midori was also kind. He worried, even when he refused to admit it. He was a good listener, and he always, always came back at the most important of times, always there when you need him the most.
Midori-kun was so soft. So warm. So... tired. Shinobu hears the soft snores beside his ear, and wonders just how long they've been up. Stretching to accompany and adjust to Midori's weight, Shinobu takes one last look at the window before he closes his eyes.
It's not so dark and cold outside anymore.
