kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
If Oshi-san was like the ocean, a powerful, tumultuous thing sparkling blue and deep-navy hues —
 
Then Nazu-nii was like —
 
"He's like the sun."
 
"Because he makes the sea sparkle?" Arashi asks, and clips a star out of the cardstock.
 
"Hmm," Mika thinks. And maybe that was just it.
 
Or maybe, he thinks that way only because of the liquid warmth that hugs his chest tightly whenever Nazuna passes by him in the hallway.

Like the sun, he echoes, and suddenly, it makes a lot more sense.
 
(If you are the sun,
 
Please —
 
Let me be your shadow?) 
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
 "This is the last time I'll be playing for you, Ritsu," Rei quietly whispers.

Ritsu doesn't say anything, but Rei doesn't need him to. The only thing he needs right now is for the piano's voice to reach his younger brother's heart, before the blood leaking onto the clean white tiles cuts his life, and the song, short.

clockwork.

Dec. 12th, 2017 07:59 pm
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
 the clock ticks, strikes one.
 
keep turning the gears, he'd said. it's the only thing he knows, turning the gears round and round. up and down the gears go, and the clock keeps ticking, and time keeps moving.
 
don't talk, he'd said. so nito keeps his mouth closed, and turns the gears. because that's all he knows, and the clock needs to go on.
 
sing for me, the boy had said. the boy from the music box below the shelf. the boy from the fairy's palace.
 
nito doesn't say a word.
 
the boy's gears are turned, and he sings a melody.
 
nito keeps turning the gears of the clock, because that's all he knows, and the clock needs to go on.
 
the boy sings the next day.
 
and the next.
 
and the next.
 
and the day after that. there are tears forming from his two-toned eyes. sing for me, he whispers. i know you have a voice.
 
nito does have a voice.
 
but nito doesn't sing, because he's not supposed to, and the clock needs to keep ticking.
 
the boy doesn't sing the next day. no one is there to turn the gears. the music box collects dust in the corner of the desk, below the shelf.
 
it's the same the next day.
 
and the next.
 
and the next.
 
there are gears, shiny ones, silver ones, gold ones. brass ones and bronze ones, laid out on the table. there are screwdrivers and tiny objects that cast shadows in the flickering candlelight.
 
the music box doesn't make a sound.
 
nito wants to scream.
 
he wants to scream, wake up. he wants to listen to the boy's voice again.
 
but his gears don't turn, and nito has to turn the gears of the clock, or else it wouldn't tick.
 
time passes. a month, two. a sticker decorates the music box, and the dust is wiped clean. there's a number on that sticker, printed in red. a price.
 
nito turns the gears.
 
nito doesn't want to turn the gears. 
 
if turning the gears meant that the clock would tick, that time would pass, he doesn't want to turn the gears.
 
"sing for me," the boy had said, back then. "sing, and i'll sing back."
 
so nito opens his mouth. puts down his hands, stops the gears.
 
and sings.
 
(the glass of the clock shatters, each crack a note of a forbidden, forgotten melody.)
 
the next day, the music box is open on the table, its clasp broken by force. 
 
no one is here to sing,
 
and the gears don't turn anymore.
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
Natsume has never liked mirrors. Mirrors only show the truth, and it showed him a reality that he wasn't ready to face. Reflections were always flipped on its surface, too — truth, but not quite true. Like a white lie, made from nine parts honesty and one part ambiguous.

I am a mirror myself, he thinks. A two-sided mirror, two sides of the coin. Two mirrors facing each other never brought anything but bad luck, or so it has been said, but Natsume had never been the person who followed rules as if they were his lifeline. Breaking a few here and there was his signature; the mosaic he leaves behind part of his magnum opus.

His hair, asymmetrically cut behind him, has gotten longer than he'd thought. His eyes, he notices not for the first time, are a piercing yellow; amber, like liquid gold. He imagines cats' eyes glowing unblinkingly in the darkness, under lamplight.

He touches his throat gingerly. Feels for any remnant of the burning residue he'd felt, but not even a drop remained. And yet, he knows it's not just something that disappeared easily; it's something that came back, and back, and back, no matter how many times you chased it off, tried to exorcise it, tried to break it down and swallow it whole.

Natsume stares at his reflection, and wonders when the last time he'd looked at himself like this.

(He'd been vulnerable, tears streaming down his face, blood and glass scarring his knuckles.)

He sees the cracks form along the mirror's smooth surface, figments of his mind crawling over like gossamer-light spiderwebs. 

Natsume shakes his head, and they are swept away. Instead, he imagines flower petals dropping out of his mouth, the disgustingly sweet rose petals that Tenshouin loved falling out one by one, into the sink. Hanahaki disease, though arguably fictitiousonly happens when you know you don't have a chance of winning, after all.

The petals keep on falling.

Because it's easier to pretend it's like that, nothing but an illness, a curse.

He turns off the light, and leaves the petals dripping onto the floor behind.

kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
"If you ever need my help... just call me any time, ok, Natsume-kun?"

Natsume turns around. "Someone like you would only Hinder my Work. Go Off."

"But —"

"You are Weak, —" and fragile, and you break ever so easily. Please don't break again. "— and you need to understand That. Fortune favors the Strong," Natsume says, lowly. He sweeps his coattails as he walks up the steps.

"Nokorimono ni wa fuku ga aru," Tsumugi shouts out, from behind him. It takes everything not to ignore him. Luck exists in the leftovers. "I was reading about that all morning. It's a spell, isn't it?"

Natsume chokes out a little laugh, ever so slightly amused, but only by a minimal margin. "The book I left on the table was a Phrasebook. Not a Spellbook. The only thing it has is Idioms."

"Ah." Tsumugi looks crestfallen. "So that's all, huh?"

"Did you seriously waste an entire morning reading That?"

"I did! It was very interesting!"

"So this is why you take so long on simple library Tasks."

kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
because not all angels were beautiful, their features sculpted like marble statues —
some had four faces and four wings that towered over the realm of men,
others could see in every-which-direction, their skin pocketed with eyes upon eyes.
you, my dear angel, you come with fire and blackened veins;
smoldering with purpose and pity,
and yet you are beautiful.
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
— Luciano de Crescenzo

. . .

Large, golden doors appear at the end of the hallway, decorated with ornate flourishes inlaid in gold. Two white doors, and perhaps if Natsume stepped through them, he'd reach a hypothetical Heaven located right inside Yumenosaki.

Ha, like I didn't belong to Hell Already.


His fingers lie themselves on the door now, and briefly — oh so briefly — a memory flashes before his eyes, one of blood and white ribbons, stained. One full of the sharp glint of violet eyes, deep and obsure.

"I'll take this from here. Thank you, but today's a grand show where I, Wataru Hibiki—"

A crack resonates, and Natsume pulls his battered fist away. His tongue is cool on the bruised skin, contrasting the flames in the pit of his stomach. He needs to let his anger out at someone before it consumes him, but then again, a little anger does no one wrong. Treat it like adrenaline or an energy source, and it'll work under your favor, splendidly.

Natsume casts his attention back at the double doors. Why was he here again, honestly. There is no rational reason why he should find himself back at a place that had caused him agony, a place that would only remind him what couldn't be done. An abyss of broken dreams, fragile bodies and minds like stepping stones, the stench of copper.

But Natsume was not a rational being, and nothing about his inner workings ran under the laws of reality, anyhow.

He pushes the doors open. He's met with some resistance at first, and Natsume thinks it might've been all the purifying spells that had been absorbed by the white wood through years and years of its existence. Though fine was never the first unit to exist, this hallway was considered to be one of the oldest of Yumenosaki's history, constructed way back when the first wielders enrolled. He's surprised though, at how flawless the door's condition was, and this surprise only gives into a burning animosity halfway through. Nothing about fine is clean, and this, he would know, certainly.

The first sight he's met with is the light, blinding white. It dapples off all four walls, creating plays of light and shadow on the checkered floor. A mosaic, creating areas of pink-blue-yellow, decorates one wall. Natsume huffs, breathing suddenly heavy as he walks into the room.

The Aviary is magnificent, and looks nothing like the state at which he'd last seen it.

Something brushes against his nose, and he sneezes abruptly. The sound echoes off in all directions, and Natsume is struck with annoyance, at how white it is, how perfect this place is. Someone must have maintained this place, kept it pristine and presentable, erasing every sign of bloodshed and cursed words away. Where is the blood of my brothers, spilled onto the dais? Where are the hoarse cries of voices on their dying breath?

Ah right. I hate this Place,
Natsume thinks, fingernails digging into his palm. Although showing signs of maintenance, it seems like that person hasn't come here in a while. The floor has since lost its shine and become dull. Dust and grime cling to the windows, like ivy to a tree. I hope that person dies, whoever it is.

(Though he knows it, deep in his heart, Natsume keeps the lock shut.)

His eyes trained towards the door, Natsume takes his leave, but something catches his eye before he takes his first step, an obstruction beside his feet. He bends down and picks it up, twisting it in between his thumb and index finger. So this was why I Sneezed? A simple Feather. Just the sight of this makes me want to Vomit. But it couldn't have appeared out of nowhere, unless this was another one of Wataru-niisan's magicks. It must have —

fallen; he was falling, and it was a long way down;

— from above.

They were the same color as the filigrees on the white doors, a harsh gold. Hanging by thin golden wires, as if hanging stars in the sky, were cages the size of human beings, floor bedded by molten feathers. A chandelier finds itself in the middle of a painting that graced the ceiling, its crystals scattering light. Another feather falls, and Natsume catches it — it's a soft sky-like blue, the color of evening. The cage above Natsume's head was like all of the other cages, except one differentiating detail, and that was the green vines curled on the bars, bluebells twinkling on the stems.

**What a complete Waste. There's no way an ordinary person could reach those cages without the ability of flight. Natsume guesses that the roosts aren't just for fantastical decor, despite fine's reputation as a unit — they hum of a dormant power, a tingling feeling that passes through his arms and into his bloodstream. How Wonderful. So enticing, and he's shaking on the spot; he conjures a ribbon of magic and —

What am I Doing?


"Idiot," Natsume bites his lip, drawing blood. The feather he's clutching becomes blurred under his vision, and he clutches it harder, as if it were a lifeline, to bring his sense of calm back into his lungs. It comes back in shaky bursts. "If you Lose," he whispers, "then you're no better than those Fools." He snaps his gaze away from the cage, and understanding reaches him, of why that guy had collapsed on that day, underneath the speckles of stars, on the day of Switch's birth.

He knows where, all of a sudden, where he must be.

[...]
.

The doors of the music room are unlocked today, and the room empty, save for a coffin on the ground in the corner, beside the grand piano. "I won't be Long," he announces to the silent room, just in case Rei-niisan hears him, though Rei has a habit of sleeping like a log during the morning, so the chances were slim. In any case, Natsume has made frequent visits here, anyhow, so it would not be a surprise to anyone for him to appear, for whatever reason may exist in the world.

The piano has gathered some dust on its black surface.

"...I suppose you aren't Playing," Natsume frowns at the coffin. Rei doesn't return an answer.

Sighing, he brushes his hands together, then snaps his fingers. The shelf facing the piano shfits, throwing papers — sheetmusic — in the air. A bare wall, cracking with age, reveals itself. Its surface crackles with remnant magic.

Natsume waves his right hand in the air, and whispers words into his thumb. He reaches forward, and touches the wall. A kiss, if you May.

Natsume steps forward, past the sheetmusic suspended in midair, and through the wall to the other side.

It is dark, an utter dark that pleased Natsume greatly. Something like this should have been implemented in the Aviary; it would be a nice change of atmosphere. Up ahead, crystals of purple and blue varieties stuck themselves like bamboo shoots up from the sparkling ground, glowing a lucent light. 

(The pentagram he'd drawn with his blood still stains the wall next to the exit.) 

Another wave of his hand, and the caverns melt away, like liquid fabric, oil bubbles trailing behind until all but disappeared, swallowed by yet another darkness. The serum he'd worked on for the past few months sat in a flask on the highest shelf. He grabs it off its place and shakes it. Satisfied with the bubbling noise, he carefully puts it back. He's here for something else, unfortunately.

Up the stairs, and through the blue door; Natsume feels like he's done this a few times too many, so many that the turning of the knob had engraved itself into his muscle memory. He's greeted by a musty smell — the scent of a library, and the dim light of candles.

Laying there, in the middle of a stack of books almost in a flower arrangement, lies the very thing he was looking for.

"Stop blocking my Way," Natsume says, launching a kick right into the soft sides of Tsumugi's torso. The archivist only whimpers in response, causing Natsume to nudge at the sleeping form again with the tip of his shoe. "You damn weakling of a wielder."

"...give it back..." Tsumugi mumbles under the shroud of sleep.

"Don't be haughty just because you're a Senior."

"It was... it was my pride..."

He's Shivering. What is he, Sick? The candlelight flickers, casting an unhealthy pallor on Tsumugi's face for a moment, and Natsume scrunches his nose in disgust.  He looks absolutely Disgusting. How does he expect to be presentable with that sort of sallow, ugly Face?

"You're going to catch a cold like this, Senpai. Go back home."

"Eichi-kun..."

At the mention of Tenshouin's name, Natsume barely manages to resist the urge to throw a grimoire right at the senior's head. A low growl builds up and as soon as it came, dissipates in his throat. He should just leave him behind and let him tremble in the cold. Especially after all this.

But he finds himself draping a curtain across the shivering form, like covering up a dead body. Natsume summons a book from the shelf with a flick of his wrist. Might as well read something and learn something, seeing how he'd probably be here for the remainder of the night, anyways.

[. insert rest of chapter here hhh .]

kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
Only catching flitting glimpses in segues, transitions— sunshowers, twilight, on great salt flats conjoining sky and land.
 
"How long have you been waiting?"
 
He finds his eyes watering up before he's even aware of it.
 
"A—" thousand years, and now, finally, —"long, long time."
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
 what would you rather have? 

a heart full of glass, glittering like diamond — a devilish ruby light cutting into vein and artery;
(and the pieces twinkle, like the eyes of the children with voices like knives.)

or a heart made of glass, that cracks under pressure — cold, lifeless ice, a mirage, your reflection;
(and a silver light, glinting in the dark, waiting for crystal to shatter and bend) —

you take a step forward, and let yourself break.
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
 and when i'm with her, i feel so alive — there are sparks shooting from the depths of my stomach, stars encircling my throat and head — so, so alive;
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
if you tune into the silence, maybe you can hear the sound of my voice.
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
You're standing on the edge of the world, waiting. Over the cliff, the grass shifts; under the sun, the waves glisten and tear up. You can feel it — the ache of your bones, your fragile, broken bones, that it's going to rain soon.

Passing time is a matter of seeing things change, he once said to you, over coffee. If you don't notice anything moving, time hasn't really passed.

"That's bull," you'd criticized, taking a cautious sip of your espresso and nearly jumping up at the scorching burn that has been left on your tongue. 

If nothing is moving, nothing is changing, then couldn't you say time has stopped?

No, you'd thought, and even now as you think back to that meeting, the taste in your mouth goes sour because you were right, you were right, you were right.

Because even after all this time, when the good old days have passed and entered into a new era; when teenagers became adults and childhood became a distant memory of the past —

(The wind blows below, and the first raindrops come beating down from the stars.)

(The times have changed, even for the unwilling.)

— even when time passed, he didn't change at all.


kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
"I... I don't know, Keith. Up until now, you've always been my rival and..." He sighs, frustration creeping up as he shoves his hands through his hair. "It was easier back then. But now that we've gone through so many things, it just doesn't feel the same anymore... you get that?"

Keith shuffles a little on the spot. He's looking at his feet, and there are so many things Lance wants to say, things like stop looking at your feet and look at m—

(He doesn't finish that thought.)

(He doesn't finish that thought, because he's scared — scared of how things change.)

"Y..yeah, I guess I do," Keith answers, after a while. "It's like we're dealing with unfamiliar territory."

Since when did you change so much? Mean so much?

"Exactly!" Lance's face brightens up. "That's exactly it. But now what? What," and he breathes, (and breathes, and breathes, but the air feels all choked up inside,) "are you now, Keith? And what—"

am I to you?

 )
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
"I'm fine," Tsumugi would say, but when Eichi turns to look at him, his eyes aren't where they're supposed to be. And Tsumugi would smile, same as always, soft on the lips but pained in the corners of his mouth. "I was born to take other people's curses, Eichi-kun, and if I can do anything, even be useful for just a tiny moment, then at least let me do this."

So Eichi lets him rest his hands on where it hurts, where the feathers had been mauled and twisted black. And he can do nothing but listen, listen to the good luck charms Tsumugi whispers over and over again, a repetitive chant that may or may not have any use at all other than a false sense of comfort. It's Tsumugi, after all — Eichi knows his power, his capacity — or rather, the lack thereof.

It could've just been desperation, too.

There was always that.



 )
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
 is this what it feels like, to be a bluebird among a flock of doves?
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
what does your heart say?
do you feel the same warmth as i do?
does your heart beat the same say that mine does?
it's painful, it's overflowing — it's like the tides that can never stop rushing in, always stuck in a loop...
...but yet here i am, stuck in one place, denying feeling...
i think it'll make sense, eventually, this tangled, yearning ache that people call love.
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
 "I won't change your world," he says, eyes twinkling. And you feel your throat pinching tight and everything grows warm;  your surroundings more distant, fading away into the background.

"I'll be the one to make it."
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
 and someday, i'll be good enough — not for the world, not for the people living in it, but for myself.
kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
my feelings are ink beyond the page,
my thoughts words beyond understanding.
don't think that the works of night,
the travels of planets,
the rotation of the sky,
and my own two hands,
my trembling lips,
my blood-stained heart —
don't ever call them anything but magic.

kytaen: aoba tsumugi, a character from the idol game ensemble stars (Default)
hearts, afraid to die
(we are)
the ones that beat
the ones that burn
the ones that take everything
and twist them
until everything makes sense
and nothing is left anymore

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memoirs ☆

he pulls away, but the taste still lingers — as if electricity is dancing in the air, arcing, tracing his name on his lips.

soft. everything is soft, but the heat is sharp, like how a sunbeam could radiate warmly yet blind a man.

"you really think," he whispers, "that i haven't noticed?"